26 THINK ABOUT THE EMISSARY

26 THINK ABOUT THE EMISSARY

A trillion of trillions of years later …

Ah! To dream of examining the Emissary! To catch the Emissary, to follow(continue) the Emissary! What arduous dream I have forged! Difficult as(like) to cross I complete the Planet, impossible as to feel that already we are dead. Vague as(like) trying to guess in the silences and god's hesitations, those things that it(he,she) does not want to say to us!
The Emissary! In what dark place will it(he,she) be now? Probably near M or of L, or probably in the center of the Thecnetos! What languages will it(he,she) use to communicate with him(it)? How will he be this envoy of the infinite?
An alive(vivacious) being is - according to everything it(he,she) indicates-, and maybe humanly, but of another race definitively. If not, his(her,your) link would be impossible with the Thecnetos. Do not be how many fingers it(he,she) will have in his(her,your) hands, or if it(he,she) has them. Do not be if his(her,your) physiognomy stretches more the Thecnetos or the man. His(her,your) body has to be perfect, but clear, given his(her,your) humanity, this one must be a perfection in human terms(ends), thing that actually(indeed) is contradictory and confuses me. Does perfection humanize? It would be like to be temporarily eternal or "to "be" one nothing. How to understand(include) the Emissary at the time? In any case, it is sure that it(he,she) will belong(concern) to a race designed to trade with this storm of dizziness that we are called Thecnetos.
Though also it(he,she) might be that his(her,your) contact with this omniscient entity was only indirect, as a postman who was taking the correspondence between(among) two spectra; capable of transporting them but unable to understand them. This way, it(he,she) will do the steps with the most superficial levels of this intelligence, specially constructed to make possible this communication.
Often I thought that the Emissary did not have human forms, but the noise of his(her,your) trodden ones, the fingerprints that it(he,she) leaves in the sand, at some time his(her,your) shade or his(her,your) cough, they discovered it human being, since(as,like) me.
Though probably only it(he,she) it is in form and not in content.
Under the seemingly human Emisario, other organs and systems will be woven and moverían in an infinitely more perfect organism(organization)!
In any case, it(he) must be more complex than we, and maybe he(she) condemns it to a major and complete(upright) loneliness.
Finally the night came. Listen to subtle(fine) noises, an escape(fugue) in the darkness, a slight change in the movements of the air for the house. He had to be again the Emissary and there had to be already nearby another letter. It was my opportunity to the investigation(research) see and advance it; my occasion to approach it and maybe, with something of value, of following(continuing) it. To come finally to M and to L! And to his(her,your) world of free of the Thecnetos.
But soon there appeared in me this former apprehension about which I spoke before. Finally I remained so(as) stillly and silently as(like) always, and furthermore(moreover) that before, so much that perhaps not even the Thecnetos might have noticed my presence, the thoughts and not even intensenesses that were guarding silence in me.
Relieved, I felt then that the Emissary already was going away. I hoped that it(he,she) was ending his(her,your) wrong delivery and stopped to happen(pass) a lot of time certifying that the silence was absolute and permanent, while my heart was fluttering increasingly slowly. Already after much, I allowed myself the first imperceptible movement. It(he,she) had failed without doing absolutely anything.
But the silence that stayed after his(her,your) visit did not calm me completely. He(she) was feeling as if the shades that the Emissary had projected in soils and walls, had left something that was persisting; something with a mission, something that later would initiate his(her,your) labor.
I was afraid that some atoms of my plan of evasion(escape) had escaped from me and he(it) already was guessing for them my awkward(stubborn) intentions. This would not be rare(strange). " If he(it) was not guessing it, the intelligence of the Thecnetos yes would do it ", I thought with dread:
What measures will it(he,she) take the Thecnetos on having guessed my plans? Probably across me entendería the mistake of the letters: his(her,your) mistake. What consequences would be produced by this insult come from something as small as me in the Thecnetos?
But, then, as addict, I looked in the house for the letter. The incomprehensible words filled me with passion and with drowsiness, as a drug that was making the world more confused, but also a bit more sweet. These were:

M.:
The things with which sometimes I sit(feel) you, more...
With that I weave lukewarm deserts: I surprise you.
It(He,She) gives them sometimes and they are quite. A sky on me, tireless planet below. Arid roses are opened in the beaches, the infinite fall of the stars, mas in my hands there appear the roses that they could not be born. Poor as my soul, without fragrance, hide from the darkness of the day and from the shout of the night. We dream together that there are no anything out, not the city, not behind the sky any more planets. Behind I have a cupboard. In the nights it is a dark spot where I guard you, knowing you far. There my books: some of them are dirt tracks, missed landscapes. More sound owners of my real voice and when they get lost, with them I will go away indeed, not with the death that one has to eat all the children that I could have been. The case is that I do not have you not in my mind, since I have believed; the case is that I am alone, giving birth to me itself me itself in every word, nothing between(among) line and line ................. I surprise You.
L.
I read this letter I commit an outrage though without understanding(including) it, but already a disappointment had germinated already in me. The life had been only a chemical accident and we, the men, an accident of the life. Therefore my plan was the mistake, of a mistake, of a mistake, trying to be revolted to the perfection of the Thecnetos. On having failed this day (since(as,like) they they all fail) it(he,she) started dying my investigation(research) and my dreams of escaping of the system that the Thecnetos had for me. A confused metaphysical revolt that only existed in my mind and that in my mind he(she) died. Advanced in my investigations(researches) it(he) was actually(indeed) small and my tour was not differing from the simple one to walk at random. My conclusions were like those lost reasonings that my mind always had planned, reflections that were not coming to any side, and that were not departing from any place either. To reach to L and to M across the Emissary was impossible. This another world would turn forever unattainably, parallel to my. If it(he,she) is that perhaps it(he,she) existed. It(He,She) had to already leave me die.
Discouraged, suddenly I thought something terrible:
The Emissary is the perverse one; he has written these letters to make myself to believe that I am mad, to make myself to believe that the Thecnetos is wrong and that there is a transmundo. Maybe the Emissary is not an Emissary, but only an adulterator. A saboteur of the reality. There is neither in any place nor M not L not even a free world of the Thecnetos.
But, later, the most terrible conclusion started being delineated in my conscience and appearing terrible and clear(bright) in front of me. It was a logical consequence of the previous thought:
The Emissary is not an adulterator, but a complete inventor. The Thecnetos does not exist! Only there exists the Emissary who has mounted his(her,your) mythology. Because of it, of his(her,your) existence it(he,she) is not proves(tries) neither none, nor consequences of his(her,your) acts. And it is logical that it(he,she) was like that - I thought sadly-, since nothing leaves tracks. Because of it even it is impossible to deny it, so(then,since) on having been empty, there is not necessary to reduce it like to the absurdity, since anything is the same absurdity. And the Thecnetos is at all.

The reality was receiving(charging) simplicity and felt suddenly. Without the Thecnetos there are already either any explanation nor answers for the world; neither but are questions on the world. Only the senility of the humanity exists in solitarily in the latter planet.

As if there was an infinite danger in this theory, I prohibited myself to think about her(it) again. But the sadness of his(her,your) possibility already never left me and contaminated of sad disenchantment last days of my investigation(research) and of my life.