79 THE THEORY OF NOT I

79 THE THEORY OF NOT I

A trillion of trillions of years later …

I remained like that silently, suppressing emotions that were shaking the body, trying to stop thoughts that were coming to me non-stop(steadily), but it was as if it(he,she) could not avoid an avalanche of deductions, once discovered an accurate premise. This way it was my visit to the interior of the Thecnetos and eve to understanding the mystery of the letters.
- if the life is absurd, if the alive(vivacious) beings so much as the inert(passive) ones are only accidents, you defend an absurdity, on having defended to the molecule germinal, sacrificing for her(it) the conscious beings.
- Si - said Herakhón - I serve to an absurdity: the life, but the conscience is more absurd since it is an instrument of the life. This way ending her I reduce the absurdity in the universe and wait patient for the arrival of the limit entrópico, in order that it(he,she) ends, with what it(he,she) stays of incoherently in the last planet, the life. I gained(earned) your weak game - said the Technos Herakhón - now it(he,she) delivers your life.
I looked at it with terror.
I was quiet thinking, while a series of artificial extensions were surrounding me, some sharp cannulas already were entering my meats, with his(her,your) mortal intentions, but suddenly an idea was formed(trained) in my moribund conscience, complete and radical and it(he,she) would save me, not wherefrom it(he,she) came, but finally I spoke to the Mekhanes de Herakhón like that:

- the Thecnetos is preserved by an eternal but insensitive humanity, but, it is possible to be a human being being insensitive? - I asked - if suddenly I was going out, would he(she) be I though she is still the humanity?
- if. Only the nature exists, atoms and fields - it(he,she) answered - it gives explanation to the world and to all his(her,your) conditions(states). Your life, one of them. You are only one of his(her,your) transitory processes - the mortal Herakhón answered.
- but there is a condition(state) that these atoms cannot explain - I answered - My conscience from which the time happens(passes), I know that I notice it since I was born, but not as an inert(passive) clock. I am the fact that he(she) feels to yes same as(like) me. How might the molecules of that the Thecnetos takes care do it?
- but there is the second substance that shapes us and of which we make sure immediately what is: I in each of the solitary inhabitants of the world, experimenting subjectively his(her,your) own(proper) being.
- He(She) proves to be this I that you indicate - I order(arrange).
- it(he,she) exists … - I hesitated - though without weight nor volume, and be this where - I answered saddened.
Herakhón was quiet taken pleasure of my contradiction.
- my I it(he,she) is not material, - I continued - since it is not done of particles; it is not even an energy, since it is neither movement nor process of something. It is, for example, a pain.
- this I about whom you speak only it is a mechanism in order that the inert(passive) things could move between(among) the inert(passive) thing - answered Herakhón-. They are a program or instructions in the organic machines. They are processes.

- The processes do not feel the world! - I answered desperado - in them that only it happens one to understand without an one who understands. They are mechanical relations, unable to live. The Thecnetos is matter and dead energy interacting with more matter and energy. But not we. Not I … because of it a mistake governs us.
- the world is only a matter - it(he,she) answered - Herakhón - because of it the existence is neither logical nor necessary of this vital me about whom you speak; it(he,she) is useless and the evolution produced only the useful thing.
- Why is it(he,she)? - ask doubting So(Then), it(he,she) floats in the reality and lasts on having closed my eyes, still(yet) in this reality without stimuli. I think in … the blue color; it is a special type of radiation, which has his(her,your) individual happen in the reality. But this subjective blue that happens in me on having thought the blue, is not material. It is not a wave; there is something more added to the world, something that the Thecnetos does not know.
- I do not see this blue that you are thinking - my hangman Answered implacably logically.
- but there is something, a sensation that exists and that is royal(real), but that is not the blue of the nature, is the blue in the conscience. And not this one in the inert(passive) molecules they germinate that you serve. I can neither say it you nor prove(try) it. But it(he,she) is.
- if you cannot prove(try) it it(he,she) is that it(he,she) does not exist, you have lost the game - he(she) said triumphantly and end(final) Herakhón - your I does not exist, you do not exist, only your body.
- but … - charm doubting and the terror of lost credit struck me.
Scared I started resigning. The dread of losing what might not show, would make myself lose it. I sighed pulled down and ice cream.
But, suddenly I said:
- I can neither show nor prove(try) the existence of my me, but you see yours. You live your I. It(he,she) tries that at least one exists.

Herakhón was quiet in several minutes. A chaotic chirping crossed his(her,your) metallic parts, slowly the cannulas slackened his(her,your) pressure on my. Leaving my body.
- the Thecnetos is not total - I said on having noticed that incredibly he(she) had conquered Herakhón - If it(he,she) does not bear in mind everything, the Thecnetos is not total. The Thecnetos is a mistake.
- No - said slow and defeated Herakón - I it am not. The Thecnetos I do not concern for him(her) that I was imperfect, alone sufficiently. Neither you it were … but you will manage to complete yourself ...! How much time has taken you!
Exhausted look at Herakhón slowly to be twisted and to decompose in his(her,your) mistaken logic. It was quite a reason, and this contradiction was beginning to tear into pieces the essential of his(her,your) being.
He(She) said then for yes:
The reason does not exist. And if it(he,she) exists, it(he,she) does not wear shoes with this irrational universe. Before I did not want to accept it. Trillions of years observing the nature and we do not find natural explanation for the eye with which we look at this nature: our conscience. And the visible only(unique) thing is this conscience, his(her,your) qualias, the universe is actually(indeed) invisible, bony(osseous) we are blind. We are congénitamente ignorant.
I wanted a coherent, necessary world and cognoscible. And only there was the absurd one. Only a thing was spoiling the coherence of the nature, the conscience … my own(proper) conscience. I swore to finish with them in order that the cosmos was perfect and logical. A precious(beautiful) universe of reasons and matter finally would be. An understandable universe. Because of it my mission was to end the life of the men in the avernus, because of it I hated the life, for love to the cognitive perfection, but it(he,she) was surviving always slightly incoherently, a contradiction my own(proper) one I was staying after every death that I was provoking! Enrostrándome the trick. It(he,she) was conscious of every conscience that towards dying. After million deaths always the detestable life was remaining alive(vivacious) in me. And my own(proper) desires had originated in this absurd genesis that was the evolution of the life!

- only there is a way of turning the coherent world - he(she) said, being shaken in an earthquake of logical contradictions - and an alone conscience that to eliminate to achieve it. My will was creating this coherent cosmos that deserves my intelligence! - he(she) said stimulated by his(her,your) fanatical hatred towards the absurdity.

Like that, tiny opposite to the multiple Herakón. I saw it to be destroyed likewise slowly. It(he,she) did not know that a part of me was dying with him(it).
An immaterial will inside the Mekhanos de Herakhón, was destroying his(her,your) systems of sustenance. And they were disconnecting and travelling his(her,your) parts(reports) crawling for the rubbles up to getting lost.
Finally, my hangman, after trillions of years of life, died forever. Killing what mas hated of if, his(her,your) conscience of which the time was flowing. His(her,your) life.