A trillion of trillions of years before …
After delivering the order, M and Ayazx joined other warriors.
Given the permanent wars, at a few hours they were again in battle, in a new and exotic place of death. They had fallen down on an injured station loaded with other furious giants, against whom they imposed his superiority. Such age the force of the giants and his absence of pity that with an alone blow could tear a back into pieces or sink a cranium. To blows also they were demolishing walls and trenches. In the sad violence of this battle, M and the others organisms as human as they tore into pieces, afresh. among the fast and furious movements of the fight, the ferreous M, always overloaded of virile value, was attacked by another enemy defeated from his innermost being loaded now with a plurality, up to this invisible moment. This day would see her. It was affected by a deep weakness that started dissolving his will, of common ferreous. To eliminate it, he was attacking with more force and energy his assassin's tasks of the metha- corporation.
But however much he and the others, they were tearing into pieces beyond the necessary thing to the civilization opponent, M could not erase this form that increasingly clearly one was installing in his mind. A strong and solid being was conquered by something ethereal and ambiguous, as a gigantic beast, falling in love with an evanescent lunar reflection.
Only a couple of blurry images could remember of L, but they were absorbing his attention without dealing because of what this was happening, it was not importing how much was examining and multiplying them in his mind, they were not revealing like it was the world in which L was living, they could not even say any more of him, L had emerged of his rare world a few seconds and had sunk in it again, without be leaving to deal. Leaving an inconvinient doubt in M an opaqueness in nothing. A blemish in the transparent harmony of his world.
The ferocious and powerful warriors, after defeating the gigantic floating station, organize the prisoners who did not kill.
Ayazx and his followers separated of central group and improvised a frightful contest.
200 prisoners chose, handcuffed them and arranged them in an opened space, then they competed on which of them it was beheading more and more rapid helped with a sharp knife. Sonorous laughs adorned the macabre game.
Exhausted and happy the warriors celebrated Ayazx's victory forehead the dead men's battery and unconscious, some still mobile bodies.
Later Ayazx chose one of the prisoners. I drag it up to a corner very removed from the rest. While others, his accomplices, were holding it, Ayazx said to him with irony:
- " Conscience is always a conscience of something ".
Forthwith I hold with violence the head and extract both eyes helped a sharp-pointed tool. The prisoner was shouting and crying frightfully. Once obtained this, Ayazx introduced a sharp cannula in his ears with which he perforated his eardrums. The man could not listen now to his own shouts, you nor beg, his torturers do not even see.
Ayazx already was panting frantically of sadistic pleasure, it blew in the nostrils of that man of an acid powder that burned his recipients of smell. The legs and arms of that soldier were waved of pain but they were stopped by the arms of Ayazx's gang that were holding them strongly. With other equipments, this one introduced a cannula in the throat and of a pull I tear his vocal chords, it was annulling all the senses of that man, it cut his language also and repeated panting of pleasure for the others:
- the conscience is always a conscience of something.
His accomplices exploded in macabre laughs.
- the conscience knows the world across the senses … - I add.
Deaf, the prisoner was twisted distressed, to these words that stained with blood prisoner was, now blind, deafly, silently, and unable to like or smell. He did not feel that about him, they all extracted agudes metal sheets and taking it carefully they started extracting the skin. Without it, he was still alive, he was breathing in shock among his hangmen, who forced it to put of foot and to walk.
And they played with him up to getting tired.
-Without senses there is no conscience, - said one - it is as if he was already dead, a dead man who walks and breathes.
- No - corrected Ayazx with not deeply and calm - it is disconnected of the world, but still thinks, knows where it is and that goes to die promptly … and I know that he has fear - said interrupted and overloaded of nervous pleasure. This way they observed it perfectly lucid of what they were doing the lengths to him 25 minutes that still it survived.
Then, though yet he was alive, they left it to die in that secret corner, walked to meeting the rest of the troop. In the central group, everything was daily and repetitive.
I treat the rest of prisoners with the usual nonchalance. They pile up them systematicly in a few gigantic containers attached to the ships. There they will be supported for his later use, if this way it the technical personnel of the goal determine corporation or they would be executed if his elimination is decided.
The containers were saturated of the strong and worn-out prisoners. They were crossed by corridors that were stopping to see and to hear to this resigned or desperate multitude.
Finished the labor Andros, a bulky warrior of tired eyes, bring over to the group together with his eromenois (The erastés is the companion of the erómenos. agreeing a pair of eromenois), a small and hyperactive companion of fight.
This way, all the warriors were joining already without obligations. Informally circles were formed about the most well-known of them, for example about Ayazx, creating one
Concentric composition of titans, which was composing this way, a terrible and dramatic landscape, of brilliant muscles, and appliances splashed with entrails and with blood. The plants of his boots were splintered of bones that a few hours ago were the framework of alive meats.
They waited disciplinadamente for the orders of the metacorporatión. The majority was quiet and there were looking without urgency for the couples of eromenois soldiers intimately interlaced in his military common destiny.
Only the long-suffering erastes of Ayazx, Gerontes was kept humbly far from him.
Leaned some on others, his meats were recovering the calmness and the quiet surrounded with the landscape, which they had just destroyed.
Also M was lying leaned on his eromenoi, with which he had an indifferent union. Other one, done of ethereal wind, goes devouring the head.
The experienced Fratedes a warrior with an eye erased by confused scars, shelters his young , emotively and happy eromenos, Wille. Fratedes, is the most mature and crafty of the warriors, he had seen were born and to die several generations of stout giants. he knew and he had attacked elbow elbow with both strong men of whom M was born, and with the warlike couples that generated the others, only he was ignoring those who were those who would have bred Ayazx, only he knew that it had not fought with them, if not against them and perhaps he would have killed them, in a remote point of the past.
Fratedes notices to M furthermore indifferently that always to his companion, but when he sees it to sigh for the second time, surrounded with the happiness of the others, he decides to approach and to say to him:
- today you are of another spirit. What walks spending there inside? - said to the rigid M, taking the head affectionatly, while Wille followed with kind look his erastes.
M him lying and they lying it answers him melancholy - I do not know it, a nuisance is crossing me. Probably I feel disgust of what we are doing. I wait to be able to forget it soon.
- Is it it? Really? - the mature and hyperperceptive Fratedes says and focuses with worried affection his unique eye on M.
- Does nothing any more happen to you? You know that in these hundreds of years many things I have learned. He trusts in me - he added sincerely worried by M, Fratedes.
M, he keeps silent about the second lengths, as a rock mountain. And suddenly he asks the more rapid thing that could.
- What things has observed of the relation between eromenois of different occupations? - this one asks amazement Fratedes.
The big eyes of M, they were something nabbed and severe, but in them there was now a humid weakness, as if a desperate child was looking out of them caught in the extraodinary giant, I fall ill now with a mortal feeling.
Fratedes looked at it upset of confirming in M this feeling.
- it is something impossible, do not try it - it answered him worried - the structure of the metacorporación is of rigid horizontal strata. Only we are happy with the equal ones. The eromenois between individuals of different castes are always tragic. It is prohibited to generate in addition between them.
- but I am not happy with my equal one - said M very low and slightly impatiently to find answers and relief in Fratedes's wisdom.
- in the equal ones we meet us same, to love the equal ones is to love we us, it is not possible to be happy loving to something different from we, since it is like not to be loved to one itself. Do you deal? - said comprehensive Fratedes - you must leave this feeling to become extinct.
Ayazx interrupts - what do these two whisper? - question raising the voice to include all in the conversation.
Fratedes ignores it contemptuously.
- not only it is prohibited, but in addition it is unproductive and without future - he added in very low voice Fratedes.
- yes. I am doing all the force to stop thinking about it - M answered with the made voice a thread. His beautiful lips were repeating the gesture made remorseful of his eyebrows.
You do well, can ask for biochemical help to eliminate what you feel, so soon let's come - Fratedes advises.
- it will not need. With my will it must be sufficient - he said M, certainly and stoically … and also mistaken.
While Ayazx was boasting with a group of other proud warriors of his battles in many worlds. Across the quantum telegraph the awaited algorithm comes: The order is of sacrificing the surviving prisoners.
Provided that already they are in the containers, his elimination will be instantaneous and painless.
- we have a few minutes to eliminate the shipment and to return - he says indifferently and methodical Gerontes.
M listen to worried thoughtful orden, and he looks for the prisoners' containers. A nervous ripple crosses them. The thousands of prisoners are exactly equal to them, robust and fierce, and now sensitive and scared. The fear of the pain cannot be compared to the fear of stopping feeling pain, being unconscious of being. Ayazx, imperturbable, orders to ignite the devices of elimination impatient to return soon.
M, higher and heavy than all the rest, draws now with his body a melancholy beautiful structure. he looks between the prisoners' containers for among a deep corridor loaded with eyes that return to him to the unison the look. A pululante and deep look that sank in the heart of M scaring it, disordering something inside him, as if he also went to die with them. And it, the fear, was something that M had never felt.
Ayazx, irritates, it ignites the devices of elimination and a warriors' enormous rabble they lose the conscience in this instant. In each of them the universe ends. Not even one only noise any more than that of his muscles slipping flácidos on them of the others.
Ayazx savours this fleeting one though daily pleasure of killing.
For each of other warriors it was as if it had not happened at all. But they looked amazed now at red face of M which strong chest breathes loaded with an anomalous emotion. M was unable to hide it.
Puzzled Ayazx I bring him over challenging it.
- Does something wrong happen? - he says speaking more to the others that to M, which looks at it repudiating.
M breathes powerfully to the center of the looks of the others. And he says for all:
- only I believe that I sit the whole evilness that here has happened. I am conscious for the first time.
Ayazx, mocker, twists the eyebrows with strangeness and adds:
- we all know that there is nothing bad in killing. We are useful to the metacorporación that did us. And without that we would not have born.
- this is not good - said with a deep and deep voice M.
- we are not guilty of anything - Fratedes said interyielding to calm it - dying is something innocuous. Because of it the warriors, so much they as us, we are not afraid to die.
- Sincerely - said M - are not they afraid to the death? If it is like that, for that we prevent them from killing us? Now I think that there is something monstrous in knowing that one day I will stop being conciente. It does not import how distantly this is this day.
They all were ashamed for the sensibility that now was showing that they believed more loudly of all.
- This day will come and we will be forever in the odious condition of not being at all - added M that was noticed by his major size, between the multitude.
- an eternity without feeling anything, feeling that we do not feel anything - said mocking and contemptuous Ayazx - what is of fearsome in it?
He indicated the thousands of bodies now like slept in the contenders. And said:
- these dead men are like stones. Do you feel a sorrow for the stones? Of alive we did not make them suffer any more than what we suffered. In addition they saw to killing ourselves.
- we have not done any evil to them, - added the solid Andros, with these eyes with dream and surrounded with the arms of his eromenoi - it is the first thing that the warriors learn in his instruction. Only there is bad that one that causes pain or suffering to someone, only it is something bad if someone suffers. To remove the life is to remove the possibility of suffering, so nobody is done badly. Nothing that is done to an inanimate being is bad or good. The death is an experience that nobody can have. And that nobody is going to have.
M understands it by half but he follows his strange emotional condition, and takes trouble more and more, only the generous Fratedes knew that it was not for the dead men that one was feeling like that. Something had born in him, which once grown, t would kill he. So Fratedes felt commiseration for his condemned ward.
- but they were wishing as us to live. It is not bad through that wanting to live die? - Asked the innocent Wille, the young and Fratedes's kind erastes - without giving up the hand of his eromenos.
- not - answered Andros, which seemed to shine between the others - so while they wanted to live, were living. When they were not living, they were not wishing anything.
- they lost the future - said M - to want to live is to want to live in the future - it tried to argue still.
- How is it to lose the future? - said Ayazx with the eyes full of irony - it is impossible not even the alive ones we have the future. Only we have the present. Too much it transports your brain handling such a big body … that he still has little breath for more abstract tasks - he said and began to laugh ferociously.
M it listened to grocer's shop of ire. But he suppressed the desire to take revenge in.
Gerontes added weakly of among the group:
- let's think, the present of someone who will die in a minute and of other one who will never die, it is exactly equal.
- but I believe, that I know why really so upset M is - ironic Ayazx added, again speaking high place to be listened by all.
Fratedes opened his unique amazed eye.
M being afraid that they all were guessing his new feelings he added:
- What thing?
- I noticed it from the visit that we did to deliver these files - he said - what shame that we the most perfect beings of the methacorporatión lower our eyes to these men's shades! That we would breed monsters with them! Only degeneracy! - and he laughed in a very low and opaque tone, laughed for him. Being sweetened in the power that to discover this secret, was giving him on M
Fratedes enraged by Ayazx's indiscretion ordered him to kept silent.
Then Fratedes detained to M and dragged it with others aside, so he knew that if he was continuing this dispute, M might not continue concealing from the others, which he wanted to stop feeling.
But it was impossible to prevent that they all knew them, or that M continued feeling.